***DISCLAIMER: We are not yet open for business… Stay tuned!***

Who We’re Looking For:

The Honeypot is hungry for writers of all genders, sexualities, ages, and expressions. If you have funny words for us, we have a home for you.

What We’re Looking For:

The Honeypot welcomes comedic and satirical pieces relating to all things sex, relationships, passion, pleasure, dating, and all things in between. Our aim is to foster an inclusive, positive, intersectional space where anyone and everyone can lay bare their deepest, darkest fantasies, desires, and the occasional list about butts. We encourage you to get weird and creative! Have a funny piece about something that literally no one else thinks is hot but you? We want that! A short erotica featuring the cast of Murder on the Orient Express? We want that too! A list of romantic tips from the alien from Predator? …

Honeypot (noun)

Definition:

1. vagina
2. spy who uses sex to lure in a target
3. woman who attracts sexual attention from men
4. a place to put honey. duh.

The Honeypot is your home for comedic and satirical takes on sex, dating, relationships, and all things passionate. Think of us as Cosmopolitan, but funny and positive. Cosmopositive? Let’s go with that! We publish sexy humour for all, by all, because let’s be honest: we could all stand to laugh at ourselves a little bit more.

We embrace the awkwardness, hilarity, and ups and downs of sex and relationships, AND the sensuality surrounding the non-traditionally sexy. …

Aunt Carol

I move to New York City, confident in the knowledge that graduating at the top of my theatre class means that stardom is just around the corner. After several months of pounding the pavement and waiting to be discovered in line at the bank, however, I’m still having trouble getting my big break.

“Have you tried auditioning for Broadway?” inquires my brilliant aunt Carol. I have not. I would be lost without her.

I run to Broadway and announce that I wish to audition. The Broadway casting director is stunned: no one has ever been so assertive as to just ask before. He stops me before I can dazzle them with my monologue from The Golden Girls and declares that someone with my confidence deserves to create and star in a brand-new show. …

By Clare Blackwood

Couch

My couch is comfortable, inclusive, and welcoming to all who wish to occupy it, regardless of whether they have come from another country or not.

Spider behind my television

The spider behind my television is also a mother of numerous children (500 and counting!), but has never once threatened to interfere with my own reproductive choices or access to birth control.

Framed picture of me at my university graduation

In this picture I am surrounded by members of my university’s faculty, none of whom have ever since signed an online petition warning potential employers about the dangers of hiring me. …

“Hello, Samantha. You don’t know me, but I know you — I stalked your Instagram before our date. I want to play a game. The rules are simple: we ask each other 36 personal questions, and if by the end of the questions we haven’t fallen in love, I will leave you alone in the middle of this crowded restaurant and everyone will know that you’re a pathetic, unlovable loser. How vulnerable will you allow yourself to be to a complete stranger in order to avoid public humiliation? Let the game begin.”

“Rise and shine, Peter. You’re probably wondering where you are. I’ll tell you where you might be: you might be in the room where you get fired. You’ve accidentally fallen asleep during your boss’s quarterly presentation, and now everyone is staring at you. You have a choice to make, Peter: do you flee the office and lose your job, or do you finally grow a spine and tell your boss that this meeting could have been an email? Backbone or unemployment? …

Mr. Darcy

Fitzwilliam will stare at you from across the wine bar for three hours before offering to buy you a seltzer, ruthlessly neg you about your choice of sundress, and, just as you’re desperately signaling for the bill, blurt out that nothing would make him happier than to move in with you. You decline, but agree to a second date because, let’s be honest, he’s filthy rich.

Hamlet

This Prince of Denmark will seduce you in the corner of the diviest bar in town with his emo charm and the offer of red wine on tap. His flair for the dramatic is sexy until you learn that he still lives with his parents and has never had a real job. When you ask about his relationship with his mother he’ll get angry, pretend he never offered to buy you the drink in the first place, and leave you to pay for it while he gets drunk and fights the bartender. …

June 5th, 1941
From the Law Office of Middleton, Dodger, & Thompson
15 Silbury Street
London, England

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie,

I am writing to you on behalf of my client, Mr. Digory Kirke, to address the lawsuit that you have filed against him in regards to your children’s stay at his house last summer, and the profoundly serious accusations of child endangerment contained therein. I assure you that Mr. Kirke takes these charges very seriously, and as such has enlisted my legal services to provide what he hopes will be a satisfactory response for all parties involved.

If you will allow, I feel it necessary to address each of your suit’s claims in order. …

1. Adorable! Dude Who Claims to Be Chill About Menstruation Obviously Hasn’t Heard of Chunky Days

A man brags about how cool he is about periods until he learns all the gross things about them.

“Let’s just hope Danny stops puking in time to learn about Sneeze Gushes!”

2) Five Hot Date Ideas That’ll Have Him Saying, “Wait, Is This an International Money Heist?”

A list of sexy date options for when you need a patsy for your next big heist.

“Date Idea #4: Dress up as sexy robbers and go to a bank! Which bank, he’ll undoubtedly ask? …